You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
