i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
