Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
