I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
