Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
