she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
