his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
