dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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