no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
