I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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