Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
