You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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