It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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