he thought i was a dude.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
