Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
