She's JV to your varsity
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
