I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
