I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
