He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
