jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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