the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
