The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize