He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
