forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
