Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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