apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We just shotgunned beers for America
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Can I color on your dick again?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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