Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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