Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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