I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
