Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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