It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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