drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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