i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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