Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
