it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
