Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
