tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They are going to name an STD after you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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