my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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