ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
