Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
