My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
