my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
