By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
