i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
