she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
