Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
