Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
