We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
