U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
