She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
