she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think people are normalizing furries
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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