Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
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