I think I won the penis lottery.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
