There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
