Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
