I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
