maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
