he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
