Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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