I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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