I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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