i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
