I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
