you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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