Soap is not a condiment
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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