I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think I sprained my soul last night
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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