yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
