Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
