I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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