Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
