His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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