I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
