Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Randomize
