hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
