just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
