brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Whod you bang
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
