Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
