I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
