Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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