just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
