i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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