definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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