I didn't shave. On purpose
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
