youre lurking in front of me
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So. Much. Porn.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
