highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
