this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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