dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
