I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
