last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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