she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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