I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he fucked my hip out of place.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
