They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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